Funny Things for Coffee Addicts
There are only two types of people in the world – Those who love coffee, and everyone else. Very few people realize that java is not just a beverage, in fact, java is an art happening inside a mug. Being a coffee addict makes you realize how wonderfully java can kick start your day to get off to a great start, how it can energize you in the mid-day slump, and if you are brave enough, it can also be a delicious dessert after dinner!
Regardless of when you enjoy your coffee, preparation is paramount and failure to pay attention to detail can lead to disappointment. From simple Single “Pod” Serving Brewers, French Press coffee, Pourover Coffee Makers and Espresso Machines, these machines have taken a quantum leap forward over the past few years. Home coffee makers can be found in countless brands and varieties, however, high-end coffee makers are becoming smarter and more proficient. Yes, there are “smart” coffee makers that can utilize the same Bluetooth technology as your smartphone!
The maker you choose to brew your beverage will play a large role in the overall quality of the finished product. Keep in mind that what goes into your machine is just as important as the machine itself. No self-proclaimed aficionado would be caught using low-quality beans or a low-end maker for their coffee drink, but what about the water you’re using? The quality of your water plays a very important part of your preparation.
Ever wonder why McDonald's and Starbucks have such delicious drinks? The secret is in their water - actually, in their water filtration system. Sediment, scale, and particulates that are found in common drinking water can negatively impact the taste of your finished product. Water filter systems for coffee and hot teas, as well as water filter systems for espresso machines, are used to help reduce sediment and to reduce scale build-up to help vastly improve the taste of water, making sure that it’s much easier to drink and be enjoyed. Better water equals better coffee…. and what’s better than that?!?!
Here are a few funny and familiar things that all coffee addicts do:
Not Before My Coffee
There are some people who can wake up, head off on a run, and chug fruit juices with their breakfast. On the other hand, there are the coffee addicts who won’t even greet anybody good morning until they have had their first cup of coffee. If you are one too, you would know that your day literally begins from the first sip of coffee. Before the coffee hits you, you are just a tousled mess that cannot snap out of sleep. Even your yawn is basically a noiseless scream for coffee! Coffee addicts actually have t-shirts, mugs, and posters that say “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.”
You Don’t Understand Tea
Maybe you are liberal enough to drink both tea and coffee, but when it comes to choosing one, if it isn’t coffee that you pick then you are not a coffee addict. Coffee lovers do not understand the ‘kick’ a tea drinker could have! Coffee, the holy grail of caffeine, is like a jolt that hits you while tea is just spiked water. What’s worse is that they simply cannot wrap their heads around green tea and herbal tea trends, which people actually drink instead of coffee. Then there are the staunch coffee lovers who cannot even take a sip of tea because to them it feels like betraying their beloved drink. Seriously, though, how do people survive on only tea?
Unexpected Coffee Cafes are the Ultimate Surprise
When you are lost in unknown places and come across a café that emanates the smell of coffee, it feels as though you have been personally blessed by the Gods. At that very moment, you wouldn’t care about being present even in a hostile neighborhood just because you feel so much at home thanks to your Cuppa Joe. Addicts can feel safe around any place that serves coffee. Seemingly, they are not difficult to please!
You are VERY Particular About Your Coffee
You know what the regular people think, it’s ‘just’ coffee. But you know exactly about the various blends, the strength of the coffee beans, the effect of roasting, and what part milk is added (or not) to your drink. Your taste buds know the difference between Ethiopian and South American coffee, it can differentiate between a Latte and a Cappuccino. Therefore, nobody can fool you by passing off any weakling as ‘coffee.’ You are a tough crowd and you just cannot be pleased until you have had your coffee just the way you have wanted it!
Coffee is What You Seek Even While Travelling
Your Instagram is probably full of photos of the various places you have had coffee. In fact, these photos outweigh the general photos that signify travel, like hills and beaches. The moment you touch down, you are rearing to find the nearest café to try out their java. To be fair, coffee is a good conversation starter no matter where you go. Quite often, you also Google the various coffee places right when you are planning your trip, just to be sure that you are not deprived of your usual drink when you are away!
Weak Coffee is Your Worst Nightmare
Coffee addicts have a simple rule: The stronger, the better. Hardcore coffee addicts drink their coffee black. They wouldn’t even want any milk or creamer, or even a sweetener because it would dilute the goodness of your coffee. Some people like their coffee with milk though even the milk content is limited to a small threshold. Go over that point and all you can taste is frothy milk and the barista will have to bear your wrath of serving you weak coffee. It will literally drive you insane!
You Take a Deep Breath Inside Cafes to Judge Their Coffee
You are always the first person to know if a new coffee spot is coming up in your locality. Most of the time, you are one of the first customers to go out there and grab a cup! But a seasoned coffee addict trusts their nose and the first thing you do on entering a café is inhale all the air in the room. This helps you assess if the coffee house is good enough to be honored by your presence. Just a whiff of their coffee floating around in the air is potent enough for you to know if it is worth the visit.
Your Friends and Lovers Know Where to Invite You
Whether it is casually hanging out with friends or meeting a blind date, you will always pick a coffee spot, and why not? Wouldn’t you want to be surrounded by the things and people you love? All the candlelight dinners and fancy lunches pale in comparison to a date in a cozy coffee place. In fact, if a date proposes to meet you at a coffee place, you may believe that you are already falling in love with that person! If you are a recluse, your friends know that the best way to get you to meet them would be to invite you to a coffee shop or lure you out with a cup of coffee. All one needs to do is text you if you are interested in some java and you will show up right on time!
You Consider Yourself a Coffee Connoisseur and Not a Java Addict
"Addict" is just a harsh word to use, is it not? Gambling is an addiction, drinking could be a problem. What is the worst thing a good ol’ cup of coffee done to call yourself a coffee addict? Sure, you crave java almost every single day but at least you don’t feel ants running all over your skin! You prefer a more mild and tasteful title like ‘Coffee Connoisseur.’ You understand the art of coffee preparation and you are always ready to gulp down cups of java to show your appreciation for this art.
You Cannot Give Up Coffee
Your friend, who is a health freak, has been going on and on about how you should be trying out protein whey or thick smoothies. Even though you are physically listening to him or her, you are still thinking and planning about when you will have your next cup of coffee! You can never imagine waking up to a healthy breakfast smoothie replacing your dark and bitter brew. You simply cannot live your life without coffee!
Your Final Goal is Coffee
Unlike other people who wish to earn enough to travel the world or buy the latest expensive gadget, your goals revolve around coffee. Your ultimate dream is to go to places like Starbucks daily without having to worry about the financial logistics. In fact, success, according to you, is having the capacity to purchase coffee, coffee products, or coffee machines, without having to worry about the price!
You Wonder if You Can Hook Up a Coffee IV
You have always wondered when Science will be advanced enough to enable hooking people up with Java IVs. Not to misconstrue it as an attempt to stop people from drinking coffee. This contraption is only valid for an instant fix. In fact, it could be an advancement to add coffee to your body through various means! Imagine having three cups of coffee simultaneously! You would literally have coffee coursing through your veins and nothing screams ‘coffee addict’ louder than that!
You Dream of Coffee
Sleep be damned! Coffee is what keeps you up all night, and on days when you do manage to sleep, you dream of coffee. You dream of making innovations that revolve around coffee, or the exotic coffees that you will get to taste. You dream about waking up and rushing off to your coffee machine to brew a fresh pot. These dreams can be bizarre, funny, and even scary (think of suddenly realizing that there is no coffee left in the world!) but at the end of the day, they are all about coffee. Some dreams are so captivating that you hate waking up but you do anyway because you know that upon waking up, you are one step closer to your next cup of coffee!
The Evolution of Coffee Culture
If you made it this far, you should enjoy the infographic below provided by Rave Reviews. Who knew there could be so much behind coffee?!
What is your weird, strange or obsessive coffee habit? Comment below!